Timey Wimey

Today is Day 31. With 30 days behind us and 30 days to go, we are officially at the halfway point! Time for celebration! However, it's amazing how much slower time seems goes by when you keep track of it. I bet the humans would be much less stressed if they threw out those things they call "calendars". Everything has to be done "on time" and they live from due-date to due-date. Tracking this 61-Day Mystery has made me understand the blessing of being mostly unaware of time. Of course, I know the difference between night and day, time to eat and time to sleep... but a bloodhound's patience is usually limited to the span of a few hours between meals.

Humans have much more patience than us hounds. I have heard a lot of chatter lately about an event called the Olympics that has been going on all month. I took the liberty of tracking down some information, and found out that humans train for four years between these competitions!!! Imagine that! Back when my human and I trained for conformation, obedience, rally and agility, we could enter shows almost any weekend out of the year. The biggest competitions were annual, of course, but still. To wait four years between anything seems crazy. Here is a video of me at work:

 This video is of me and my human earning a 99-point last leg for our Rally Novice title. We took 1st place!

Boy was I small in that video. Time does funny things, even when you're not keeping track of it. I thought I was done growing after I matured but lately I've been putting on weight. I have developed a little bit of a belly!

It does not concern me enough to go on a diet, however. Actually, I am surprised that I'm gaining. My appetite has only been normal for a small while, and I definitely have not been overeating by much. Oh well... it's a sign of my age, I suppose. Like I said, time does funny things.

Boxed In

Today, my human brought a giant box home and crammed it into our bedroom. She was excited about getting it for free. I assumed at first that this was the "whelping box" that I saw plans for earlier, and I started to imagine those "piggies" in our room. I was getting quite upset... those animals should be kept outside where they belong! But before I could protest, my human told me that this box is going to be my bed instead of my crate. I don't think I like the idea.

Us bloodhounds are never fond of change, especially when we aren't feeling our best. Though my appetite is back to normal, I still nap a lot and find myself grumbling over little things. I guess I should focus on the positive side of sleeping in a box now rather than my crate. It is kinda cozy, warmer, and more cave-like. But I hate the inability to see my human through the solid walls. I prefer to keep an eye on her. I try not to show how much it worries me when she leaves my sight for long periods of time, but I think my overly-exuberant greetings give me away. With all the weird stuff happening lately, I wish she'd stay close. At least this newest development grants me the chance to mope around and land me a few nights of sleep in her bed.

Of course, I must remind myself that I have only recently been lucky enough to share a room with my human. Up until a few months ago, Tipster shared the room with her while I was alone on the level above. He moped quite a bit when he was moved to the other side of her bedroom wall, but he has come to enjoy it over there quite a bit. I must admit that sometimes I do envy his predicament. He has free reign of the room on the other side, complete with his own super-comfy "chaise lounge" and constant access to 40lbs of kibble.

"Tipster", co-owner of my human. Of the Border Collie breed.

Tipster is the eldest of my pack. He is nearly 80 in dog years. I am pretty sure that is older than the biggest humans' ages. Honestly, he is the only member of the family I treat with complete respect. Of course, he had to teach me where my place was, but now I am the only canine member of our family that he tolerates the company of. I do wish that he would play with me. I've seen him play with the humans, so I know he has some puppy inside him somewhere.

Even when he tolerates my presence, his ears are back as if to say "I don't deserve this"

Hopefully, I will never get solemn and standoffish around other dogs. I am proud of the fact that I can play hard, forever displaying my inner puppy. Even despite my tiredness and grumpiness lately, the humans often rub my belly and talk about my inner puppies. They are so kind to remind me all will be well and that I'll be back to normal soon. That would be great! If I were completely myself, I would have this mystery solved! But now, with 36 days left, I am simply happy to have something distract me from worrying when I can't keep an eye on my human. I hope she doesn't mind returning to the room to find me sprawled on her bed. I think she can sleep in the box tonight!

Sick

I have not been feeling like myself. A few days ago I didn't feel like eating dinner and so I scratched all my human's blankets over to one side of her bed and fell asleep on top of them (this trick causes her to get cold and forces her to decide whether to disturb the peaceful queen's slumber or get up and turn up the heat). Just as the room started getting toasty (my trick works about 50% of the time), I started heaving. Wouldn't you know it but I got kicked off the bed and had to sleep in my crate. I didn't care much though; I was so nauseous I couldn't even clean up my own mess.

Ever since then, I've been depressed and gloomy and I rarely feel like eating my food (though I will not pass up a morsel of human food whenever I can get it). I'm probably even losing weight. My human doesn't seem to be worried, though her sympathy levels have skyrocketed. I should take advantage of that.

 My human snapped this photo while I was in one of my increasingly-common, deep-sleep naps.

I've been sleeping a lot lately, too. In fact, these days, I often choose a nap over updating this blog. I prefer to sleep lightly; half conscious of sounds and movements, should something need to be bayed at. But the last few days, I have slept so soundly that my human has been able to get up, leave the room, and return before I know it. I know this because, when I wake, her breath is often baited with the remnants of tasty morsels she was able to consume without my awareness.

I sure hope I start feeling better soon. I hate losing out on opportunities to partake of the humans' treats. And, more importantly, I have been so "out of it" that I have taken no notice of new clues for our mystery. If I am counting down correctly, there are 42 days left. Since I am feeling a bit better today, I decided to check out something the humans use on the internet to see if something is wrong with them. I typed in my "symptoms" and got a "diagnosis" of "morning sickness". My human came into the room and scolded me away from the computer before I could read the description, but I doubt the diagnosis was accurate. I got sick for the first time in the evening, and my nausea can hit at any time of the day. My escapades lately have been for naught.

Well, now it's time to wrap this post up. Cross your paws that I can eat all my dinner, and keep it down, tonight!

Slobber Story

Being a hound, I sure am nosy. I found this poem, written by my human, tucked away among some other papers I was snuffling through:

a bloodhound, when filling his tum
leaves nary a place lacking crumb
all manner forgot
he flings out a shot
of kibble-ridden drool when done

 Clever, no? I admit that it is quite witty and truthful, but, being a bloodhound, I can't help but feel like it makes me the butt of a joke. I mean... "all manner forgot"?? Come on... us hounds should not be judged over customs considered quite mannerly among dogs. And I'm not saying I don't respect my human pack. I don't pee in their house, after all. But poking fun at a hound with excess jowl who slobbers over a meal is a bit... insensitive. I can't help but feel that my own limerick response is required.

an owner, most thoughtful and wise
proudly flaunts each hound-given prize
takes photos of slobs
smiles o'er every glob
and wipes only those flung in eyes

I am, however, proud to say that I have an owner who is proud of my slobs:

This one reached from jowl to floor!

You've probably guessed by now that I haven't come up with any new clues lately as to what the 61-day mystery is. That's okay, no pressure! With only 10 days down and 51 to go, there is plenty of time to go off on tangents. Until next time, Happy February, everybody!!!

*yawn*

A full week has blown by since I started this little escapade. And I mean literally blown by... with lots of snow and ice. My human has been walking 1/2 mile round-trip down to our mailbox every day in search of something called a "W2". She bundles up in so much extra clothing that she can hardly see or move! It's a good thing us hounds have our own fur. She tried to put a doggy jacket on me once and I could not stand it! Poor hairless humans. Every time she waddles out the door in search of that W2 I go nuts acting like I want to go with. She then feels sorry that it's too cold to take me with, and promises to hurry back and give me a hug and a tasty treat. Mission accomplished. So then I just go curl up in her bed and nap until she gets back.

Notice how I expertly tuck my toes and tip of my tail for maximum heat retention (my don't I sound smart)

It feels like I've been napping a lot lately; probably due to the low temperatures. I wish that the cold could explain my mood swings too. I almost feel bad for snapping on Twiggy, my sister dog, today. She's a cattle dog and won't stop nipping at my feet and ankles. Just because I'm bigger than her doesn't mean she has to treat me like a cow! If she's going to play the instinct card then this blood-hound has every right to draw a little blood! Wow, I shock myself. I'm usually very forgiving and tolerant of her until there's something worth fighting over, like food. Now that I think about it, I even snapped at my tiny little rat terrier sister, DayZee, yesterday and I never ever push her around! She's barely bigger than the cat and has no issue submitting to me.

Now that I've got that off of my chest, let's end on a positive note. The roads are finally clear so the humans can go get more food!!! The pickin's have been slim around here lately. I suspect that my human might pick up more "plastic sheet protectors" today too. I had a smart idea last night and decided to help out the office supply industry with their economic endeavors by flossing my teeth with shredded bits of plastic (of course I had to shred it first). I may have gone a bit too far, however, and also damaged a few important papers and magazines that my human uses in her home business.

 Busy helping the economy, I have been.

My human says that, to make up for accidentally chewing on her paperwork, I have to tell my readers where to go for more information on her home business. So I guess check out this page if you're interested. However, I suggest going here for way more exciting things to read (and more pictures of yours truly)! While you're away, I'm going to pull some strings for a tasty treat and take a nap. After all, it's not every year that a human without a vehicle must brave freezing temperatures in search of a W2.

Selfie Sunday

The humans are stuck in the house again today. Church was canceled so they all slept in a bit and made a big breakfast. Of course I got up at my normal time and ate my fair share of eggs, biscuits, and whatever tasty treat "grits" are. Now that chores are done (I helped clean a few dishes myself), each human has fallen victim to some laze-inducing light-emitting screen-wielding item of technology.

This is how humans hold their rank among the pack: The littlest humans share the littlest sources of tech; what they call an"iPad" and a "Kindle", while the biggest humans sit on their bums and stare at the largest screen in the house; the "40-inch flat-screen HD TV". The biggest humans often tolerate the middle-size humans joining them in watching the TV as long as the biggest humans choose what to watch. If they choose not to watch with the biggest humans (which usually is the case), the middle-size humans go to their respective rooms and do whatever they do with their middle-size tech gadgets called "laptops".

Now and then, my human shuts me in our room with my crate open because I am so trustworthy. This is when I click and clack my nails on her "laptop" to record my thoughts on this "61-day" mystery thing that is going on. Today, she left her "Facebook" page open and I saw something called "Selfie Sunday" that caught my interest. Apparently, those photos that someone takes of themselves (rather than having them taken by someone else) are called Selfies. And Sunday is the day to do it! So, naturally, I decided to try my paw at it and rooted through my human's tech drawer to dig out her camera. Here are my results:

 

 01/24/14 "selfie"

Also, while rummaging through another drawer of my human's, I found these "whelping box plans" which I highly suspect might be a clue to the mystery. The plans include something called "pig rails" so now I think my long floppy ears might have heard wrong the other day. What I thought was talk about "puppies" was actually "piggies". I don't know exactly what kind of animal pigs are, but I wouldn't put it past my humans to get some. We already have rabbits, chickens, cats, a lizard, a rat, and of course us dogs. Hmm... with 56 days to go, I'm thinking I figured out the secret way too early. Now what am I going to do on these stuck-in-the-house kind of snowy days? Maybe I'll shove one of the biggest humans off of the comfy chair and see what's playing on the 40" HD TV. I am top dog of this pack after all:

Shiver Me Timbers!

I must admit that I don't know what the title phrase actually means. It just sounds like a good title for today because it sure is cold outside!!! Don't get me wrong... I love snow. When there is a lot of snow, it's more challenging to find the scents of those rascally wild animals that roam my yard while I'm inside. It makes the humans laugh to see me snorting around with my head down like a plow. They laugh harder when I come up for air with several inches of the fluff balanced between my eyes.

Here is a picture of me today with some fluff stuck to my drooly jowls.

But days like today are so cold that I can barely stand still long enough to do my business before heading back inside. This means I get to hang out with the humans and remind them how much they love me. Most dogs know that chewing up the little humans' toys is a good way to stimulate the economy, but few know that there is a certain way to go about it. Since shredding stuffed animals to bits often causes emotional uproars, the best toys to target are the plastic and wooden sets made up of many pieces. A piece or two can be chewed here and there with no consequence until eventually there are not enough pieces left for the toy to be much fun and another one is purchased in its place. Note to self: this tactic should never ever be used for the biggest human man's puzzle games.

Today I started working on wooden pieces from the smallest human's construction set.

I also chewed the "buds" off of my human's ear buds. She loves those things. This one will stimulate the economy for sure!

I also like to show the humans how caring I am by sharing their food and cleaning their faces so they don't have to go wash up. The little humans especially love this; they squeal with delight when I snatch a half of their sandwich or knock over a glass of milk that they didn't really want to drink. When someone is cooking, I keep them company in the kitchen and remind them that it is my duty to be the taste-tester. If I find that the dish isn't good enough for my humans (you know they only deserve the best) I will eat it all myself or at least knock it to the floor for the cats as soon as the cook steps out of the kitchen. It is amazing to me how much food the humans waste!

Speaking of food, my human changed my rations of kibble. Instead of getting 4 cups at night to eat when I please, I now get 2 cups in the morning and 2 cups at night. She says that I will appreciate the change later when I "can't handle so much at once". What could that possibly mean? I am pretty sure I'll always have the same size stomach! Also, when she got herself a bowl of ice cream last night, she didn't share it with me like usual! Normally we split it 50/50 which is only fair, but last night she let me sit there while she ate the whole thing and then I only got to lick the bowl!

Something sure is changing alright. The humans have lost their puzzle pieces... er, marbles!!! Maybe they'll go back to normal after this whole "61-day thing" is over, whatever it is. 2 days down and 59 to go. Let's hope the temperatures go up before too many days go by... I have business to do!